Relationships can be the hardest thing in the world, and most people can’t see the forest for the trees when it comes to them. Many stay in abusive, co-dependent relationships out of fear of change, which results in situations that are much more harmful to them if they had done the thing they feared and just left the individual that was holding them back. So, how do we know when a relationship no longer serves our best interests and greater good? It’s like trying to see the back of your head without a mirror. You need someone else to see it for you — in this case, a qualified relationship counselor who can guide you through the perilous waters and politics of modern-day relationships (or bad relationships) and see the forest for your trees.
A Qualified Relationship Counselor Can Be Your Best Friend
That sounds a bit presumptuous and unrealistic, right? But, actually, a good relationship adviser or marriage therapist can really help you work out your issues — even better than that best friend of yours can. Why? Objectivity. Sure, your best friend can distract you from your relationship troubles, and will help reinforce your fears regarding your intimate partner, but rarely can they offer the guidance and answer those nagging “marriage counseling questions” that eat away at the heart of your inherent ability to love and trust another. That is, unless they are a world-class relationship counselor themselves.
And, we all can’t have that luxury, or even expect that. So, you need someone who can put their foot down for you and say, “Look, you need to let go of relationships that no longer serve you. You need to say, I release all that no longer serves me, including someone I have loved and trusted.” You need to look yourself in the eye and say, “You will no longer put up with what no longer serves you grows you or makes you happy.”
How to Know When Relationships No Longer Work
How do you know when a relationship no longer serves your greater good? A relationship no longer serves you when:
- You don’t feel free, or a healthy sense of personal liberty.
- You don’t feel like yourself with that partner.
- Too many negative situations or feelings are attributable to your spouse or partner.
- You are ridiculed for things inherently tied to your personal growth.
- The partner or spouse is an “emotional vampire” or parasite.
- You are the one mostly giving, with little given in return.
Your intuition serves you well; don’t underestimate or ignore it. Our higher self, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical bodies cry out against the tyranny of bad relationships in subtle and more overt ways. You know when “it doesn’t feel right” but you continue on because you love (or still care deeply for) the other person, or you are afraid of being a failure. Many are afraid to upset or disappoint others in their family tree who expect success in all areas of life. This is actually a great crime against humanity, and the culprit, largely, is false or toxic belief systems largely based on religious falsehoods, superstition, societal presuppositions, and “misperceptions of reality,” as I call them.
“A Poisonous relationship can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless. But you’re not worthless. You’re underappreciated.” – Steve Maraboli
Being in a bad or toxic relationship is often something that we don’t realize that we’re in until we’re out of it. Bad relationships can invade every other aspect of our lives, from our friendships to our family relationships. They can make you feel depressed or anxious for no reason.
Marriage & family therapist and author Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT says, “Healthy relationships nourish and support us. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is like poison to us — instead of lifting us up, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience post-traumatic stress or a lessening of self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others.”
When you’re in a bad relationship, you’re probably ignoring all the signs – it’s what we do as humans to protect ourselves. If you’re in a toxic relationship, you may notice these signs that point towards a bad relationship that you don’t want to admit.
7 Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship (But Don’t Want to Admit It)
1. You Think Your Relationship is Bad (Therefore, it is.)
One of the first signs that you’re in a bad relationship is questioning whether or not your relationship is bad because “This is your subconscious telling you something,” says relationship expert and couples therapist Nicole McCance.
You may have rough patches in normal relationships, but aren’t always wondering if your relationship is bad. But a bad relationship will have you wondering if your relationship is untenable – and that’s the first sign that you should be looking critically at your relationship.
2. You Don’t Feel Like a Priority
Does your partner put you first when you need them to? Does your partner seem like the kind of person who will drop everything and help you when it’s really important? If not, then you’re probably in a relationship where you don’t feel like a priority to your partner. While we can’t always be top priority, you should feel like your partner cares about you and will put you at the top of their list.
3. You Can’t Do What You Want to Do
In a relationship, you sometimes have to do things you don’t want to do because it’s important to your partner, or because you want to make them happy. You may go see a movie you’re not interested in because your partner likes it. But in a bad relationship, if your partner doesn’t want to do something, then you probably won’t be allowed to do it either. If your partner doesn’t want to go to a movie, you’re probably not going to be able to see it.
In toxic relationships, “… you are constantly put down, criticised and forced to do what is unacceptable to you and your values. When your autonomy in thoughts, words, and decisions is taken away and you start actually believing and accepting that you have no choice in any matter,” says psychotherapist and relationship counselor Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D.
4. Your Friends and Family Disapprove of Your Partner
You have probably been on the other end of this situation. A friend or family member has been in a bad relationship, and you didn’t like their partner. If you’re suddenly on the opposite side of that, you may want to take your friends and family’s concern seriously. If your partner isn’t well-liked, it might be for a reason.
5. Their Problems Have Become Your Problems
Isn’t this true for all marriages anyway? But, when your problems…are still your problems, and your significant other is no help, this is a red flag. When your partner wants you to help with all of their problems, but doesn’t want to help you with yours, this is a sign that your relationship isn’t working, and is just plain bad. You need to have a relationship where both partners help each other equally.
6. You No Longer Trust Them
If your partner is working late or hanging out with their friends, you’re suddenly worried about what it is they’re out doing. You may be trying to tell yourself there’s no reason to worry, but…if you’re worried, it’s probably for a good reason.
Clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., says, “When there is no trust there is no foundation. You can’t address communication issues, compatibility issues, and intimacy issues if there is no trust. If you fundamentally don’t trust your partner on any level, the relationship is poisoned.”
You shouldn’t have to worry about what your partner is up to in a good and healthy relationship.
7. You’re Happier When They’re Not Around
If your partner goes on a trip or leaves for the night, do you feel a huge rush of relief? This is not normal!
“If you’re all that excited to have a weekend alone, consider that the reason for your joy is that they’re draining you when they’re around. You should be happy to have a break, but not that happy,” says relationship expert and author April Masini.
You may just try to tell yourself that you’re an introvert, but the truth is that you’re just happier when your partner isn’t around. This is the biggest sign of an unhappy or bad relationship.
“If you’re starting to have thoughts like, ‘This is not like it used to be,’ ‘This is not what I signed up for,’ or ‘This doesn’t feel good anymore,’ it is possible that what was a good relationship has turned toxic. If you find that your partner doesn’t feel much like a partner or lover any longer—and he or she is bringing you down more than lifting you up, you need to rethink your relationship.” says relationship expert Sofia Milan.
Therefore, if you’re not looking forward to more good times and are only looking back, you might need to accept that the relationship is bad. And that you need someone to show you how to get out of an unhealthy relationship.
Ending a Bad Relationship is the Beginning — Of Your New Life
Bad relationships are hard to accept, especially when you’re in the middle of one.
But, admitting to yourself that your relationship is bad or toxic is one of the first steps you need to take in order to escape them and start your new life. If your relationship sounds a lot like this list, it may be time to start considering that it’s time to leave the relationship and find someone who appreciates you.
I, Sonic Nova, can guide you from a bad relationship into the light of your true self! I can show you how to reclaim your real, higher self and be in right alignment with the God-Source and Universal Law, not worn-out old belief systems that say “till death do us part,” but don’t realize they are basing those vows on something very pernicious, ignorant, and harmful to the human spirit. Those vows don’t say, “Till death you are my slave,” or “Till death I own you”. What they should say is “I honor the God-self in you, as you honor it in me. If we cannot grow in the light together, we are already dead”.
The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. When a relationship no longer serves your greater good, you need an experienced relationship counselor like me who can read your multi-dimensional life-force “map,” and help you get past ending a bad relationship, and get you on the road to your new-self expression!